As far as Key West Things To Do, Don't Do THIS...

This is not a list of things to do. It's a list of things NOT to do! Make sure your Things To Do List does not include these, or you're almost guaranteed to piss off the Locals!

DON'T LEAVE YOUR TURN SIGNAL ON!!!

Want to Look Like A TOURON? Add These To Your Key West Things To Do List:

As far as your Key West Things to Do List, DON'T do these things unless you want to look like a Touron (a cross between a Tourist and a Moron, remember?):

1. Litter. This not only makes you a Touron, but a fucking IDIOT Touron! Look down at the street drains, and you'll notice a lot of them say "Drains to Ocean". So yeah, this means cigarette butts too. This does not, however, include leaving trash on the top of a full trash can--that's not your fault;

2. Riding a scoter or E-Car with the turn signal blinking. Trust me, if you don't get the middle finger from a Local, they're sure thinking about it. I personally know of people who have been seriously injured and killed because someone thought they were turning and didn't, and vise-versa;

3. And while we're at it, don't ride around town on a scooter honking the horn for no reason. But if you're under 25 years old and there's a pack of you, you're probably going to do it anyway. Because you're a Touron;

4. Ride in an Electric Car (E-Car) without the seat belt on. It's like an $114 fine per person, and it's just plain stupid. I've seen an E-Car take a turn and a woman fell out onto the street, and into oncoming traffic! She didn't get hit, but I'm sure she needed a change of underwear;

5. Not paying attention crossing the street, blocking sidewalks, etc. C'mon, really? CLASSIC Touron move;

6. Wearing your Key West T-Shirt IN Key West! Hate to break it to you, Touron, but we know where you are. Now, if you're down here during a cold spell and have to buy a sweatshirt, that's different.